Can you hear him now? Please, hang up
I love my iPhone.
There, I said it. Though it often tends to serve as an umbilical cord between me and my job, and I miss half the stuff I’m watching on television because my face is typically buried in its display, I’m not sure how I’d respond if I didn’t always have it close. It’s my security blanket. My lifeline to the world. The way I most often play Scrabble.
I honestly have a huge chunk of my life in that little phone — ranging from my contacts to story lists for the paper. I follow and tweak my fantasy football team on it constantly, Google things that get caught up in my mind and order movie tickets. Photos of trips to Ireland and Christmases past live in its tiny memory, as well as every piece of digital music I own.
As I said, I love my iPhone.
However, there are others who love their phones much more. For instance, excluding those moments where he leaves it behind somewhere, our own Shaun Lambert is never without his own iPhone. He usually has it in one hand, while the other is banging away at his computer’s keyboard. He knows every little feature on the phone, and uses them to their maximum capabilities and I’m pretty certain he’s figured out a way to adjust traffic lights from his phone when it suits him. But even Shaun pales in comparison to a Chinese man I read about on the Reuters Web site the other day.
According to the story, the man got his arm stuck in a toilet pipe as he was trying to retrieve his dropped mobile phone. Rescue workers had to come save the man from himself, and had to basically tear apart the toilet to free the man’s cut and bruised arm. It got me thinking. Would I stick my arm deep into the bowels of my toilet ... I said “bowels” and “toilet” in the same sentence. You know you’ve gone way over the deep end in a column when those two words get linked so close together. It reminds me of the time I was writing about prostitutes in California advertising their businesses through ...
It’s probably better if I just stop digressing at this point.
I did, however, start wondering about what things would cause me to stick my arm in a toilet to retrieve. Let’s see. A small baby, maybe.
Yeah, that’s the entire list.
Chalking up the man’s phone-retrieving mishap to poor judgement, I moved on in my Web surfing and found a story about someone using very good judgement. Reuters reported that a German student named Isabella Fendt came up with “Ballerina to Go.”
These are flat disposable shoes that are currently selling in vending machines in four night clubs in Munich. We’ve all seen women leave night clubs or other locations and remove their high heel shoes so they can walk more comfortably. Fendt’s ballerina slippers cost about $10 in the machines, and come with a bag in which women can place their high heels.
This student saw a situation. Recognized there was a problem. And came up with a reasonable solution. To top it off, she’ll probably make a little bit of money out of the deal. I’m guessing it won’t be all that long before we see these machines sprout up in Dewey Beach and Ocean City — heck, they could sell cheap pairs of flip-flops in local clubs and they will sell like wildfire at 1 a.m.
And, again, these shoes are disposable. Wear them home in that zig-zag walk from the club, toss them in the trash can because they’re most likely already falling apart and go about the rest of your evening.
Just don’t drop them in the toilet. Or, if you do, don’t reach your arm in to retrieve them. Just another helpful tip from your Uncle Darin. These are free, people.