Getting things off on right foot

Goodbye, 2008.

Not that this has been a bad year by any means, but there’s just something invigorating about getting that clean slate, opening your new Coastal Point calendar and embarking on a brand new year that is filled with hope, promise and the opportunity to really make one’s mark.

Silly, isn’t it? We take what appears to be an arbritrary-enough day, and mark it as the turning point of our lives. We resolve to eat better, to drink less, to give up smoking, to stop climbing trees outside our neighbors’ homes with binoculars and ...

But I digress.

Like the rest of you, I fall into that trap. I see the new year as a new chapter in life. It’s like a football coach. Sure, you want to win every game you play, but the most important game in your life is always the next one you play. And I’m preparing for this new year like it’s my Super Bowl.

For starters, I resolve to have more patience this year. I’m really going to try to just take a deep breath, assess the situation and tackle it expeditiously and with a clear head. There will be no more blow-ups in 2009 — no pens flying through my office, no profanity shooting out in a thunderous boom and no grabbing Bob Bertram by the neck and giving him a noogie until he has an accident.

Well, maybe one more time on the last one. That’s just funny.

I resolve to eat better this year. That’s right. I say it every year, and every year I mean it. Each Jan. 1 begins my passage to a new world of healthy eating, and each Jan. 7 marks the unceremonious ending — usually crashing my New Year dreams with an explosion of Twinkies and deep-fried candy.

I resolve to watch less television this year. The power of the DVR has enabled me to record just about any show I might have an interest in ever watching, and it usually results in my feeling a burning need to watch every single thing it records. Trust me ... there really is a limit to how much television a person can watch without getting just a little bit dumber. It’s usually proven when a person says things like “dumber.”

I resolve to do my part to make the world a better place. I will volunteer at more fundraising efforts, travel the world to spread American ingenuity and compassion to those who need it and ...

Actually, that will really cut into my television time. Never mind.

I resolve to teach my dogs some social grace this year. They really are nice dogs. I have no complaints there. But I’m tiring a little bit of the constant need to stop and smell every person encountered throughout the course of the day. Polite and well-behaved dogs would make me stop.

I resolve to be less stressful to Susan Lyons this year. I will no longer be the cause of her heart palpitations or fingernail chewing by saying something ridiculous in my columns every week.

I resolve to have more fun this year. That’s right. This is the year I don’t hold back and just act on my impulses. I might have to scratch that resolution about causing Susan less stress.

I resolve to make Ryan Saxton cry at a poker table at least once this year. I don’t care if I win or lose the game. I just want to make him feel one in his gut.

I resolve to stop and smell the roses a little bit more this year. And I resolve to push that feeling to every person in this office. We all love what we do, and we work our tails off doing it, and we’ll continue to do just that — but maybe we can all just take a step back from time to time and enjoy what else the world has to offer.

I resolve to exercise a little more. Now, keep in mind the key phrase “a little more.” This does not mean I’ll be training for marathons or swimming miles in a freezing ocean. It translates better into me getting up to grab the remote control, as opposed to taking off my socks, tying them together and reaching out to swat the remote closer to me.

I resolve to take my office back from the paper pile monsters who have taken over. I’m not sure exactly how it happened, but over the past 10 years I have slowly morphed into Susan Lyons regarding the condition of my work space. So many traits I admire about the woman, and I get her propensity for working in a dump?