Coming to terms with holiday

In a cruel twist of fate, our calendars tell us that St. Patrick’s Day falls on a Tuesday this year. In related news, the sun will eventually burn out and leave us wandering around a cold, dark rock until we fade away and Disney is actually more interested in making money than creating a world of wonder and awe for kids of all ages.

Coastal Point • File Photo

Sorry. That was a little cynical.

But I’m upset about this Tuesday thing. See, that’s one of our deadline nights here in Coastal Point Land. We put out one section Tuesday night, and then have our main section leave Wednesday — which severely limits my ability to stay out all night on St. Patrick’s Day and pour alcohol down my throat until I find myself streaking down Route 26 with a flag of Ireland wrapped around my neck and my finger sticking up in the air in a salute to...

But I digress.

I’m irked by this. Yes, I know that many have taken to celebrating the deeds and memories of St. Patrick on the closest Saturday to the magic day, and I’m no different in that there will be several cases of Jameson heading my way over the weekend. But it just doesn’t make it easier.

I remember the marketing campaign by Irish brewer Guinness last year, when they were encouraging people to sign an online petition to make St. Patrick’s Day a national holiday. What a great idea, I thought at the time. The entire nation could come together for all things Irish, and the bars and restaurants would get a good shot in the arm — especially during these down economic times.

But then I caught a chill down my spine like I just used a bidet in an ice fishing cabin.

That really wouldn’t help me much. I mean, even if I worked until we got the paper out on Tuesday, I could still get to a bar before closing time. I could have some fun, and toast St. Patrick and sing old songs and fall down in an unnatural and quite painful position under a pinball machine.

But Wednesday would not be a delight.

No, no, no. What needs to happen is we need to band together to make March 18 a national holiday. A day of rest and reflection for the great saint who illustrated the Holy Trinity with the use of a shamrock. A day to soak in the good vibes that result from honoring the traditions and glory of the Irish culture. A day to lie in bed with a cold compress on our heads with a trash can by our sides while we silently mumble under our breaths that we wish something would happen to us to make the bad pain just go away.

Unless I’m the only one who does that ... hmm. Just scratch that last sentence. Wish I hadn’t blown my digression so soon this week. Now I’m just floating through time, vulnerable to any ridiculous thought that passes through this tiny brain, and unable to deflect it away with a good...

But I digress. Again. Sorry, I needed to get back on track.

I realize that I’m perpetuating a sterotype here. We’ve all heard it before — Irish people drink way too much, and they glorify the act as something to be proud of, as opposed to hiding it in the dark like most decent hard-working people.

Maybe that’s true. Maybe it’s not. However, as an individual, I can tell you that I do like celebrating St. Patrick’s Day. Hard.

And this Tuesday thing is causing me great dismay. I mean, would it be so hard to make it one of those “floating” holidays? Like Thanksgiving or Memorial Day or something, we could simply just make St. Patrick’s Day the third Saturday of March or something like that, allowing us to sleep in that day, go watch a parade and humiliate ourselves the rest of the day — all with the pillow of a nice lazy Sunday to pad our fall.

Wait just a second.

I’m missing the big picture here. I can still act like a maniac on Saturday in honor of St. Patrick, and run out for a beverage Tuesday night. If I didn’t have a deadline to work around, it could potentially be two days of celebrating the man, instead of just the one — as would be the case if we utilized a “floating” holiday.

This is actually a good thing. All this time, my mind has been so focused on just the small aspect of a day to celebrate without repercussions. But, instead, what lies before me is the potential for more — more opportunities to celebrate the deeds and legends of St. Patrick, and more chances to soak in the Irish experience that envelops so many on this special day.

What we really need it more St. Patrick’s Day celebrations, not less. Give me some time on this. I’m working on a plan.

Erin go bragh!