It’s been said by many who know me that I sometimes talk out of my backside. Normally, I get that comment during poker games, when the common perception amongst those who play with me often is that if I’m giving away anything about my hand, it’s no doubt false.
I guess it’s a good thing to keep people guessing in that regard, but I still don’t know if talking out of one’s rear is a positive. I mean, obviously it’s a figure of speech as nobody really talks out of their hind end (unless maybe there was a feeding frenzy at Taco Bell the night before), but the very image of somebody actually speaking out of their rear is one that I don’t think many of us want burned into our subconscious for any extended period of time.
At this point, I’m pretty certain that more than a few of you are concerned with where this column is about to head.
Well, according to an article on msnbc.com, “Some caterpillars essentially talk with their rear ends, scraping oar-like structures on leaf surfaces to signal turf ownership to intruders.”
The theory is that the caterpillars are using whatever is available to them to make enough noise to keep a potential predator away. Researchers also said they believe the caterpillars make the noise to scare off birds, who might be trying to eat some of the same insects the caterpillars are interested in devouring.
I know. I’m just as disappointed in myself as you are right now. Let’s agree to just move on from that first entry.
The town of Tracy City, Tenn., recently held its mayoral election, and Carl Robin Geary defeated incumbent Barbara Brock by a fairly-resounding 268-85 margin. I know, I know. We have enough local elections to concern ourselves with, and this one doesn’t seem all that out of the ordinary.
But your crafty columnist has been holding on to one little nugget of information. Ready? Geary is dead. Has been for a few weeks, and an election administrator said his death was pretty-well reported in the area.
There a quite a few ways to look at this. Was the voting public making a statement to Brock and other officials that a dead candidate had more to offer the town than the sitting mayor? Was it just a situation where the voting public missed the news about their candidate not exactly being able to fulfill his obligations as mayor if elected?
Brock herself sad that she believes the voters wanted a return to the past. Because the mayor she replaced is also dead? Is that the “return to the past” to which she was referring?
Ocean View officials, take a bow. You have been nudged out of my top spot by Tracy City, Tenn. Of course, that’s probably just the media trying to make splashy headlines, right? We hate when things go well and smooth in a town. We’d much prefer to spend our limited time following up on baseless accusations and power-trip demonstrations ...
But I digress.
Meanwhile, school administrators in Atlantic City, N.J., have put down the hammer on rowdy students at Atlantic City High School. According to an Associated Press story, students organized a cellphone-coordinated food fight recently. In response, administrators had the students served cheese sandwiches for two consecutive days. One parent said the students were served “a prison meal.” A student called it “ridiculous.”
After the two-day cheesefest, the school’s menu returned to a choice for the students between honey barbecued chicken, burgers, fries, pizza, tacos and tuna salad.
Wait a second. When I was in school, we had a choice between ... well, I really don’t recall having a choice in much of anything at school. If there was, it was between re-heated pizza squares and that strange mystery meat that had bubbles on its gray surface. Of course, we also walked many miles, uphill both ways, while fighting off commies and taking care of our family’s animals along the way. And we felt fortunate that we had a place to go.
Of course, I’m just talking out my rear.