My mom is cooler than yours.
There, I said it. Now, before I start getting angry calls (and, yes, I’m looking at you, Mrs. Cobb), I’m not implying in any way that any of your mothers are not lovely women who have sacrificed of themselves over the years to give you every bit of a chance in life that was possible. I’m a fan of mothers, and I won’t argue with anybody that their mother is or isn’t worthy of great praise and adulation.
But my mom is still cooler than yours.
My mother is retired and volunteers at various organizations. Pretty cool, right? But certainly many of you have that story, and many more that make you equally proud of your own mothers. Well, my mother also has a Playstation 3. Anybody? She’s also pretty prolific on her iPhone now, and has become feared on the bowling lanes on her Nintendo Wii.
Yeah, my mom is cooler than yours.
Are you noticing a trend? Are you finding yourself nodding along as you’re reading this, leaning back to take stock and thinking, “Yeah, that’s a pretty cool mother.”? I can understand that. Hey, I’ve been blessed.
Now, admittedly, I might be swept up in the whole Mother’s Day thing and going a bit overboard here. It might be tough for those of you who regularly read my column, but I have been known to get swept away a bit in hyperbole from time to time, and sometimes my mind can wander off topic a little. Like, this one time, I was getting ready to order a sandwich at a deli and I saw a guy outside fall off his bike and land in a puddle. My first reaction, obviously, was to break into laughter and start pointing, but I quickly transformed myself into becoming a ...
But I digress.
And, yes, my mom is still cooler than yours.
Though she is not technically a fan of sports, she does find herself becoming a fan of certain athletes. Former San Francisco Giants third baseman Matt Williams was one of my mother’s all-time favorites, and when he went to the Cleveland Indians, my mother instantly became an Indians fan. His next stop took him to the Arizona Diamondbacks and, yup, she became a Diamondbacks fan immediately. She also became a fan of hockey player Chris Drury, and any organization that employed him, and was an admirer of one of my favorites, Len Bias, because she once taught at the high school he attended. Don’t even get me started on her feelings for Tom Seaver and Joe Namath. That is for another column, altogether.
Why do I tell that story? Because my mother would follow these athletes, and talk to me about them, because she wanted something in common with me that we could talk about. Well, some of them are simply because she found them “hot.”
Told you. My mom is cooler than yours.
I had the pleasure (little white lie there) of going to the same high school my mother taught at for two years. And, yeah, that was not always a smooth ride as your loyal bald editor had more than a few wild moments in his youth, but ... well, there really is no “but” there. That was a tough time. And I spent countless grounded nights at home because she had easier access to my shenanigans.
Admittedly, she loses a few “cool” points there. Or, maybe the reality is that I lost a few “good son” points there, so we won’t deduct anything from her total score. She’s still on top.
Want another example of how my mother is cooler than yours?
I’m 40. I don’t say that screaming with pride, but it’s still a fact. There are mornings when I wake up and my knee doesn’t wish to cooperate. Or my back is yelling that there are a few hours of sleep we’re leaving on the table, and it doesn’t want to get up just yet. To be succinct, things just don’t go as smoothly as they once did in terms of being mobile in the morning. And, yes, I still often call my mommy to complain about my various aches and pains. And what does she say?
“Aww, poor little baby.”
See, my mom is way cooler than yours. Happy Mother’s Day, Mommy.