Embrace the dog days of summer


So, anyway, it’s been hot.

I don’t mean that typical man-this-place-gets-hot-and-sticky-in-the-summer kind of hot. No, no, no. This has been more of an I-think-my-shorts-just-fused-to-my-thighs kind of hot. The temperature on Tuesday was in the triple digits, and somehow that seemed low to me. I was expecting to drive by one of the banks on Route 26 and see the digital sign post a temperature that simply read “Get inside, dummy.”

There were times this week when I was feeling quite fortunate to have a job that keeps me in the air conditioning 99 percent of my days. That’s not always the case, as I often find myself sticking my nose up against the window on a beautiful day and wishing I had a golf club in my hand or was just doing something outside where I could feel the sun on my face.

Not this week. Didn’t want any sun. Not on my face. Not on my shoulders. And certainly not on my rather-vulnerable head. I figured that 15 minutes of direct sun on my head would have resulted in two things — a solar oven effect that would have pretty much scrambled my eggs, and a shiny red beet on top of my neck that would have led to a Hitchcock-esque scream coming from my shower the next morning when those first needles of hot water pierced through my skull.

Anyway, I came in Wednesday morning to work around 6:30, and the sign on the bank told me that it was 79 degrees outside already. That seemed a bit ominous to me but, to be honest, I don’t usually pay attention to those things in the morning. My focus in the morning is usually on the cup of coffee I’m about to have, and wondering what silly thing Bob Bertram is going to say in the office that day that has Jaime McNamee jumping on him like stink on a monkey.

Not that I’m calling Bob a monkey. Or Jaime stink. It’s just a phrase I use that I actually stole from Kramer on “Seinfeld” one time. Remember that episode? Jerry’s car gets stolen by his mechanic and ...

But I digress.

When I did get settled in to my office Wednesday morning, I flipped on the computer and started my Web surfing tradition as I sipped on coffee. I hit the Web sites for CNN, The (Baltimore) Sun, NY Times, etc. I logged on to my Twitter account and saw a message from DEMA stating that DNREC had issued an Air Quality Alert for the state from 9 a.m. to 10 p.m.

Well, poop.

I began thinking that 79 degrees at 6:30 a.m. must not be a good temperature at all — that we were looking at another day of extreme heat and making an office pool as to what time our resident Eskimo, Shaun Lambert, would simply melt away at his chair.

I had 11:16 a.m., by the way. Quite frankly, I don’t have a lot of confidence in Shaun’s ability to deal with the heat. Or the lukewarm, for that matter. Shaun starts sweating when someone brews a cup of tea in the office.

Regardless, it seemed that we were indeed in for another hot day on Wednesday, followed, hopefully, by a few cooler days sprinkled in with some rain. See what I did there? I used “sprinkled” in a way that ...

Sorry. I amuse myself all too easily.

We’re probably going to be looking at a lot more heat this summer, as we haven’t even hit mid-July yet. It will be uncomfortable. It will be sticky. And, sometimes, it will be absolutely miserable. However, it beats the alternative.

Hot weather means people come to the beach to find some form of relief. Dark, cooler summers mean that not as many people come here. This just in: we need people to come to the beach in the summer. It is our economy, and maybe just as importantly, it impacts our quality of life.

We should actually be rejoicing that we’re having a hot, sunny summer. Well, not Shaun. He’s not rejoicing at all.