Valentine’s Day tales of romance and mirth

A police officer in Manatee County, Fla., was flagged down by a 27-year-old man last week and told that the man was robbed at gunpoint about 90 minutes earlier, according to an article in the Sarasota Herald Tribune. Apparently, police became a little suspicous of the man’s story because of inconsistencies in his story and the delay in reporting the crime.
Coastal Point

It would seem that the police had good cause to be suspicous.

Eventually, the man confessed that he made up the report to convince his wife that the $300 missing from their shared account was not his fault, it was the fault of good-for-nothing low-lifes who stole their hard-earned money. The man did finally come clean to police — admitting that he spent the money, about half of his paycheck, at the Peek-A-Boo Lounge strip club that evening.

I would guess the cat is now out of the bag. Peek-A-Boo!

Though I’m not sure how that story went over with the man’s wife when the truth came out, I have a pretty good idea about how one Louisiana woman dealt with her own boyfriend when she grew frustrated. According to The (Houma) Courier in Louisiana, a 47-year-old woman became upset with her boyfriend when she couldn’t find space in their freezer to put her “Tequila Rose” alcoholic beverage.

She responded in the only way that makes sense.

She pulled out a frozen steak to make room, spun around and hurled the steak at her boyfriend, striking him in the face. Police eventually responded, found the man with a bleeding face and arrested the woman, charging her with aggravated assault. Amazingly, the man did not have a black eye.

See what I did there? People have been putting raw steaks to their black eyes for years and ...

But I digress.

Of course, Valentine’s Day is about couples — or, looking at it a different way, it’s about romance. It’s about feeling handsome and suave, or beautiful and sophisticated. We want to feel our best. To look our best. To be our best.

For a British woman, looking her best did not necessarily mean looking great from head to toe as much as it did from back to front. She flew to Philadelphia recently to get silicone injections into her buttocks, according to a story from NBC Philadelphia.

Did she come stateside to visit one of Philadelphia’s illustrious hospitals? Well, no. She didn’t. The woman jumped across the pond to enhance her backside in a room at the Hampton Inn, according to the article.

Giggle now, because it stops being funny at exactly that point. Done? Good.

The woman was eventually taken to a local hospital after complications and she died. Police were set to execute a search warrant on the hotel earlier this week with suspicions that there were more procedures done in various rooms of the hotel.

Probably not Hampton Inn’s next marketing campaign, but evidence enough that one shouldn’t take shortcuts with health concerns. And, people, never receive elective surgery in a hotel room halfway across the world from you.

Of course, there are other traditional ways in this country to utilize a hotel room.

A New York man recently filed charges against a stripper he reportedly hired as a prostitute in Las Vegas. The man said the woman left his hotel room a half-hour early, and he demanded a refund on his money, according to the Las Vegas Sun.

The judge tossed out his suit and promptly flung a frozen steak at his head on general principle.

Might have made up the last part.

Now that this year’s Super Bowl is over (ha ha ha ha ha), football fans are turning their attention to Indianapolis, the site of next year’s big game. About 120 miles notheast of Indianapolis, meanwhile, the Fort Wayne city council is considering what to name their new government center.

One person whose name is not being taken seriously for naming rights is former four-term mayor Harry Baals, according to the Associated Press.

Guess why.