Yet another journey into the world's obstuse


Have you ever pulled into your driveway after a long day of work, opened the door and been hit with the smell of a steak grilling that just completely overtook your central nervous system and erased all other thoughts that might have been rambling around in your brain?

Coastal PointCoastal Point

Or bacon. My God, bacon. There are mornings I’ve pulled up to the Coastal Point multiplex and been slugged so hard in the face with the scent of bacon that my feet lifted off the ground and I began to float toward their front door with my nose twitching to that delightful sce...

But I digress.

Or spent 45 minutes driving around downtown Bethany Beach looking for a parking space and firing out every piece of profanity you ever learned on a playground, only to have all those bad feelings erased with a whiff of vinegar-laced french fries in the air?

That last one kind of hit home in a small town in Rhode Island recently. According to an Associated Press story, approximately 30 gallons of used cooking oil fell off a truck in Cranston, R.I., leaving the streets to smell like french fries for some time.

If I’m McDonald’s in that town, I’m opening an outdoor stand selling fries on that street corner.

Of course, I’m not suggesting that running a restaurant is easy. You have long, stress-soaked hours, overhead that is hard to keep a handle on and drunk 15-month-old customers to try to keep behaved.

Fine, not every restaurant has that last one, but an Applebee’s in Michigan did last week.

A Reuters story on Tuesday shared the tale of a family who went to dine at an Applebee’s in Madison Heights, Mich. The mother reportedly ordered an apple juice for her toddler son, who was subsequently given a margarita by accident.

The mother told WDIV-TV that she only knew something was wrong when her son “kind of laid his head on the table and dozed off a little bit and woke up and got real happy.” The little boy also started hailing strangers at that point, as well.

There was no word in the story as to whether or not the little boy started mumbling about how he hasn’t lived up to his father’s lofty expectations or got a tattoo later that evening.

Now, it’s important to remember that it’s not just employees of Applebee’s who sometimes bring the wrong goods to people.

A story originally filed by The York (Pa.) Dispatch focused on two people who reportedly stole tools from a home in Pennsylvania and went about the process of trying to sell these ill-gotten tools for a little money.

Police said the pair went to a service station in an attempt to sell them to an employee. The employee reportedly took a long look at the toolbox, thought it looked familiar and went home to discover that he had indeed been robbed.

The two people were subsequently arrested. One of them, Cody Lee Littrell, was released on bail. I did a search on him, but could not find any reports that Littrell tried to sell his prison pillow to the warden later that day.

Sometimes, rotten is just rotten. A UPI story reported that police in Georgia are searching for a man who stole $130 from a 13-year-old girl’s lemonade stand.

The girl was raising money for her 2-year-old cousin, who was scheduled to receive treatment for a rare intestinal disorder this week, when a man and woman identified as Gage Turner and Amber Umbarger approached her. According to police, Turner grabbed the jar of money from the girl and ran back to his car, speeding off with Umbarger running behind on foot.

Umbarger was arrested, which leads to this very important McCann-ism:

If you’re running around with a guy who is prone to robbing lemonade stands, don’t be surprised if he leaves you behind.