A new season is here, and I’m going to enjoy it


Many of us have that metaphorical little engine inside us that drives us.

Maybe yours is fueled by a desire to provide for your family. Or a burning need to come out on top of everything you do. Or a fear of failure pushes you to reach goals that many people would consider unattainable.

Me? Oh, I like making check marks.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m still the somewhat-misguided champion of the notion that all of us can make a difference in the world if we simply attempt to do so on a day-to-day basis. In fact, I honestly believe that if we just tried the simple trinity of being nice to one another, taking other people’s feelings into consideration and trying to understand people as individuals we can accomplish great things in this world together. I truly do.

But as far as what makes me able to function in this crazy spinning globe of ours, it’s pretty simple — lots of lists.

I make a to-do list when I first get to work each morning. I add to it throughout the day, and only feel like I accomplished something when each item on the list is accompanied by a check mark. It’s a goal-oriented philosophy that I carry with me if I’m working, getting ready to travel or happen to have the baby all to myself for the day. My lists make sure that I get done what I have to get done and, maybe more importantly, allow me a little satisfaction with each item I finish.

Feed baby. Check.

Change baby. Check.

Vigorously wash hands and attempt to erase all memories of the diaper-changing tragedy by reliving old episodes of Hogan’s Heroes in my mind. Check.

Though there might be a few exaggerations in my example, there is no hyperbole whatsoever concerning my fascination with lists. One could say I am goal-obsessed and I wouldn’t be able to mount a solid argument against that. Unless mounting an argument is on my list. Then I will pull out everything at my disposal to ensure...

But I digress.

I do find, however, that there is a tremendous difference inside me when it comes to clear objectives on a list and resolutions. Like many of you, I make resolutions when the new year dawns, and, like many of you, those resolutions just never really get met. Oh, I want to lose weight every Jan. 1, but I seem to find myself swimming in barbecue sauce and washing it down with a milkshake by, say, Jan. 1, at dinner.

Regardless, I continue to make these ambitious long-term goals as resolutions with every new calendar year, and then I take an even longer trip down Masochist Lane each May when I list my Memorial Day resolutions — a compilation of things I’d like to accomplish during the coming summer season. Without further adieu, I present my Summer 2015 Resolutions.

Editor’s Note: These are for entertainment purposes only. If you find yourself gambling over these, seek help. Like, seriously. Drop the paper and go get help.

• I resolve to be in prime bathing suit-shape by July 4. Now, your definition of bathing suit-shape might be different than mine. In my mind, bathing suit-shape is when I can phsyically walk my fat rear end from my car to the boardwalk so I can ogle women in bathing suits.

• I resolve to be less creepy when ogling women in bathing suits this summer.

• I resolve to go nighttime fishing with Dave Long. For one thing, I think it would be cool. For another, I think Dave would be a lot more attractive in the dark.

• I resolve to not clarify which Dave Long I was talking about in that last one.

• I resolve to get my daughter to as many local summer events as I possibly can. She’s growing up in a remarkable community, and I want her to take advantage of that opportunity every chance we have.

• I resolve to not laugh this summer when Susan Lyons tells me she got a parking ticket or a bird dropped off a sign of remembrance on her head again.

• I resolve to laugh when either of the above happens. Might as well get one right!

• I resolve to work my tail off this summer to do my part with our team in improving our paper each and every week. This is a remarkably talented staff, and I’m just happy to be along for the ride.

• I resolve to eat a lot of crabs, drink a lot of beer and take a lot of naps. Now I’m just stacking the deck.

• I resolve to get out and visit as many local shops and restaurants as I can this summer. Typically, this is my time of hibernation as I avoid the crowds. This is the year I embrace it and actually enjoy my summer at the beach.