You have to give them points for creativity


Here’s a fun exercise...

Clear your mind of all the day-to-day stresses that are overtaking it at any given time. That’s it. Just close your eyes, pull back on a deep breath and let your subconscious wander off to a place of abject nothingness. You there? Good, let’s do this.

Imagine, if you will, all the possibilities of items that could conceivably wash ashore on a Tijuana beach.

It’s important to remember that I said “imagine” for this exercise. Saying these ideas out loud could lead to permanent mental scarring for any children who might be within earshot or get you escorted from your office with a shiny new pink slip in hand. I mean, come on, it’s Tijuana, not South Bethany. There are all kinds of revolting items that could wash ashore in Tijuana and nobody would bat an eye.

No? Maybe it’s just me.

Regardless, when a headline popped up on my Twitter feed that said something washed ashore on a Tijuana beach, I got interested. When I took a second look to examine it more closely, I saw it was not exactly what I was imagining at the time, but still fascinating enough to make me click the link for the UPI story — “Motorized surfboard filled with $100,000 worth of meth washes up in Tijuana.”

I told you this wasn’t South Bethany.

Mexican police said the surfboard was powered by a turbine connected to eight batteries, and that beach-goers discovered it last weekend in the borough of Playas de Tijuana. The board was apparently hollowed out and filled with 20 pounds of crystal methamphetamine, and police believe it was heading to the United States before it suffered an apparent mechanical failure.

Do you ever wonder what kinds of advances could be made in this wacky world of ours if drug dealers turned their creative energies to something other than, say, poisoning our youth? They spend so much energy and thought trying to figure out the next best thing in terms of smuggling drugs that they could probably divert that time into curing diseases or bringing drinking water to places that suffer without or properly seasoning a steak at a place you pay an arm and a leg for and...

But I digress.

My point is that these smugglers get pretty creative in their methods, and a pseudo-arms race has raged between the people trying to move drugs in and out of places and the people trying to stop them. It seems there are constantly stories online about secret tunnels between Mexico and the United States to transport drugs or mini-submarines doing what this mechanized surfboard attempted to do last week.

For instance, a quick Google search on Tuesday led me to an Associated Press story about Spanish police arresting a Venezuelan veterinarian, Andres Lopez Elorza, who has been wanted by the U.S. for allegedly trafficking heroin by implanting it in puppies. According to the story, police said Columbian authorities discovered three kilograms of heroin implanted in three puppies during a 2005 raid on a clinic the vet ran in Medellin.

I understand that people enjoy the right to the presumption of innocense, but I don’t care for Elorza or his scheme. Puppies are cute. They’re adorable, actually, and are meant to snuggle with and give beg wet kisses to while...

But I digress. Again.

It just makes me angry that someone who has dedicated his life to the welfare of animals would do something so reckless. Granted, I’m partial to dogs, so this probably raises my hackles a bit more than it does for most people. It just stinks when people do ugly things to beautiful things.

For instance, another UPI story reported on a woman who was arrested at the Bogota airport on Monday when her breast implants were found to contain 3.3 pounds of liquid cocaine. Authorities said Paola Deyanira Sabillon drew the attention of security staff at the airport when she appeared nervous in line and x-rays determined she had recently had surgery on her breasts.

I would say a woman carrying around an additional 3.3 pounds of breasts would do that on her own, but maybe that’s just me.

Sabillon, who is from Honduras and was flying to Spain, reportedly told police she received the implants filled with an unknown substance she had been hired to transport. I’m wondering what she thought might have been the substance, if not drugs? Pez?

Regardless, her implants were removed and she was treated for an infection stemming from the original surgery, though I suppose it’s not entirely surprising she might have had complications from a surgery performed by drug smugglers. She’s now sitting in police custody, awaiting resolution and probably substantial jail time in a Columbian prison.

And smugglers are figuring out the next plan already.