Tripple Overtime Takeover: A Patriots fan strikes back

[Disclaimer: The following “Tripple Overtime Takeover” was written by Indian River High School soccer coach Steve Kilby, in response the continued ridicule of his beloved Patriots’ Tom Brady and Bill Bellichick in “Tripple Overtime.” Aside from the jokes about Chris Clark, it is all written in jest… We think...]

While I often find the Coastal Point to be a most informative and enjoyable read on a weekly basis, I must admit my own personal level of trepidation and concern regarding the senseless waste of space and ink that has risen astronomically with the continued printing of “Tripple Overtime.”

For some reason, the fine folks at the Coastal Point have lost their focus on the normally fine journalistic efforts of their staff. Someone on staff at the Coastal Point agreed to the title for the weekly editorial, “Tripple Overtime.”

Granted, it is a fine pun, which has a great sports tie-in. Think about it: Some of the most exciting sporting events ever have ended in triple overtime. Remember the Boston Celtics’ series-clinching win over the Phoenix Suns in 1976? Great stuff for any New Englander. However, I will try not use my own vast appreciation and personal bias regarding New England-based sports teams more than need be as I respond to the senseless bashing of my own idols.

But to give our overzealous author carte blanche in the sports section is perhaps a tad silly, when one really thinks about it. I mean I would hazard a guess that Tripp Colonell writes most of his articles in crayon, before some genuinely kind and understanding co-worker types them for him.

Consider a recent “Tripple Overtime” (again a great sport reference, a reference that obviously alludes to closely contested athletic competitions) — a somewhat gregarious movie review of the latest Leonardo DiCaprio film, ‘The Revenant.”

Another thought flashes through my cerebellum: Aren’t movie reviews generally found in the Arts & Entertainment section, not the Sports section? [Editor’s note: This fact was pointed out to our purported sports columnist. Several times.] And aren’t these reviews written by qualified critics such as Siskel and Ebert, or others of that ilk?

Our young author, Tripp, has the audacity to make loose comparisons of his own acting skills to those of DiCaprio, winner of three Golden Globes and numerous other tributes and awards. Apparently our author, Tripp, has now added acting to his résumé, which I’m sure is written on the back of a Natty Light bar napkin and is filed away in the bottom of his Subaru’s glovebox.

I mean, when one is attempting to establish himself as an author of some acclaim and is struggling with the English language, perhaps said writer should familiarize himself with the basic mechanics of grammar and the English language before attempting to develop his thespian skills. I mean, if Ronald Regan, was a “B” actor, I would imagine Tripp will find himself somewhere in the neighborhood of “L” or “M.”

Which brings us to the next glaring question: Tripp’s most likely role in a movie. Actors are often typecast for different reasons — perhaps their boyish good looks (DiCaprio), their physical acumen (Vin Diesel or Arnold Schwarzenegger), but Tripp acting in any role portraying someone to be “corporate” is a stretch.

The film “Clerks” comes to mind as a more fitting genre. I haven’t even seen “Lock,” nor do I plan to. If this film “Lock” is free, that is probably far too steep a price to sit through it.

For me, Tripp finally fired the shot across the bow that tipped over my personal apple cart in a recent article published Dec. 22 and titled, “Tripple Overtime: The mystery of the green-and-gold flannel pajama pants: A classic whodunit.”

Tripp once again felt the need to attack New England Patriots QB Tom Brady and the team’s Hall of Fame coach, Bill Belichik. It is obvious that Tripp does not understand the actual deity status of Brady and Belichick. I suppose that is understandable, when you attribute the huge amount of jealousness that exists within the NFL sporting community and society in general, with regards to the unbridled success that the pair has had.

I say nay, nay — enough is enough. I am now firing darts back in your direction, my good man. In the previously referenced “Tripple Overtime,” I am thrilled to point out two glaring errors in regards to your lack of professionalism in the fine art of journalism:

The mystery package that you refer to in your article would have been festively wrapped, not “festivity” wrapped. [Editor’s note: The copy editor hides her head in shame for having overlooked one of Tripp’s errors amidst the usual many dozens that were caught and fixed. You have to understand the pressure of having to catch so many mistakes amidst the dross that is Tripp’s writing. But we digress…]

Festivity is a noun, so it might explain or describe the fun you were about to experience at a party — perhaps a party you would throw after winning four Super Bowls, or two soccer state championships. Whichever example you prefer will work just fine.

Additionally, one should understand that festively is an adjective and would describe the type of wrapping one might find on a surprise Christmas gift left by a kind-hearted individual on the hood of your car.

Your second glaring error would be in regards to Jameis Winston, a model citizen and a product of Florida State University, and is simply this: He shoplifted crab legs, not chicken. I, too, may have made this error, because it seems that Royal Farms fried chicken is always someplace in my frontal lobe, so I can understand that mistake.

But no matter how understanding I may be in regards to the second error, you still made the mistake — a mistake that I only point out because you have found it necessary to once again ridicule Brady (man-crush may apply here) and Belichik. Just to pile on, from the same article, Adam Sandler would have probably used a festive Hanukkah paper to wrap your gift — not the proper use of festive.

I do feel a certain level of trepidation questioning your journalistic capabilities, and even your extremely suspect acting skills, which are yet to be judged, because you and the Coastal Point have been so good to IRHS athletics — and to our soccer program, both the boys’ and girls’ teams, in particular.

So, hopefully, you can rise above this diatribe against “Tripple Overtime” and your inept use of grammar and continue to highlight the soccer team’s future successes. I would request you leave Brady and Belichek alone as your negativity toward them always leaves me a little deflated.

Spend your time focusing on Chris Clark’s questionable wardrobe choices — you know, the zip-off pants are a great target. You might even focus on some other little known facts regarding Chris.

For example, I learned recently at our fundraiser at Buffalo Wild Wings that he hasn’t opened his wallet in quite a while. I was so excited when Chris advised that he wanted to make a donation to the Soccer Boosters. He deftly unzipped one of his multiple pockets and removed his wallet.

There was bead of sweat on his forehead, and Chris’s hands were shaking as he opened his wallet to remove some cash. The ancient leather creaked open, and a puff of dust emerged, similar to when Tutankhamen’s sarcophagus (that’s a coffin, Tripp) was opened after about 800 years!

Chris generously pulled out five $20s and dropped them in the donation tin. I peered in the tin, smiling, until I realized Chris dropped in out-of-circulation Confederate bills. Thanks, bro.

You’re right, Tripp, the man is tighter than 10 pounds of potatoes in a 5-pound sack.