I remember the last week of school: Getting to use your “senior privileges” to go off-campus for lunch instead of having to stomach whatever Miss Debbie was serving up in the cafeteria that day. Getting to watch the movie “Boiler Room” in economics class instead of having to learn about, like, actual economics. The way how, for the first time in all your 18 years of being a person, it was cool to just do nothing for once.
Well, for the first time in all of his eight years of being a president, it looks like Barack Hussein Obama is finally taking a break from reaching the big, fat, bloated arm of the government into the all-but-now-barren cookie jar of the private sector and coming down with a slight case of “senioritis” of his own. I guess it’s a good thing he’s got Obamacare.
In fact, for his last Monday in office, and kicking off his last week of school, so to speak, Barry O. is even having the reigning World Series champion and the totally-not-cursed-anymore Chicago Cubs help send him on his way, back to the Windy City or Hawaii or Kenya or Indonesia, or wherever it is that he’s actually from.
Now, I know what you probably must be thinking: B.O. is still the leader of the free world, isn’t he? Shouldn’t he be forcing insurance premiums on me or looking for a country in the Middle East in dire need of some “freedom”?
Sure, probably, yeah, sure.
But the fact of the matter is, the Barack of Gibraltar has long made public his appreciation for all things sports ball, especially when it comes to Chi-town and Da Bears. Besides, with only, like, four days left until Trump has the place painted gold, the Hussein Clown Posse would be pretty hard-pressed to find a country that we haven’t invaded yet. Maybe Mars will turn out to have something valuable, natural resource-wise.
I guess you can’t really blame the guy, though, at least for the Cubs thing, I mean. Presidents are people too, after all. They have favorite teams, favorite movies, favorite nuclear codes; heck, they probably even have favorite frozen yogurt flavors.
And, besides, the tradition of not keeping separate sports and state is not one that he, as in Obama, personally invented. The thing goes all the way back to 1865, when Andrew Jackson (you know, that guy from the $20 bill) had the Brooklyn Atlantics and Washington Nationals stop by to churn butter by candlelight or do whatever it was that people did before Al Gore invented the internet.
Ulysses S. Grant (you know, that guy Kevin Kline played in 1999 box office smash “Wild Wild West”) had the Cincinnati Red Stockings visit as the first professional baseball team at the White House just four years later.
It actually wasn’t until 1924 that the first World Series team paid tribute to the president, when Calvin Coolidge (I have no idea on this one, sorry) sent out an RSVP to the Washington Senators after their Game 7 victory over the New York Giants.
Even the great JFK (the guy from the movie “JFK”) followed the tradition when he had the Boston Celtics over for a Dr. Pepper after their NBA title in ’63. Gerald Ford kept the Larry Bird thing going by hosting the NCAA-champion Indiana University men’s basketball team in ’76.
Then Jimmy Carter locked up the silverware when two teams from Pittsburgh visited in 1980, and New York Giants linebacker Harry Carson even dumped a cooler of popcorn on Ronald Reagan’s head after their Super Bowl title in ’87.
As for Mr. Copacabana (Barry Manil’O), however, he’s really raised the bar since getting sworn in, at least when it comes to the sports thing, I mean. The University of Connecticut women’s basketball team has visited so many times that head coach Geno Auriemma even has his own designated bedroom in the White House.
After missing out due to a space shuttle disaster following Super Bowl XX, Mike Ditka and the 1985 Chicago Bears were invited to make up for it in 2011, with the same going for Don Shula and the undefeated Miami Dolphins in 2013, since apparently, back in 1972, Richard Nixon was a little preoccupied with dishing out a serious dose of freedom to the Vietnamese.
Obama has even gone so far as to get NASCAR drivers into the mix, making it pretty hard to believe that head coach Steve Kilby and the Indian River High School soccer team have yet to get a White House invite. Although, to be fair, I guess they have met the governor…
All things considered, I guess we shouldn’t be that surprised that this is how it ends. That, for the president formerly known as Barry Soetoro, a self-proclaimed lifelong Chicago White Sox fan, the Chicago Cubs will end up being the last professional sports team that he holds a smile with on the White House stairs. I mean, talk about irony.
I’m sure that the ever-charismatic Dwayne “Barack” Johnson will even end up making a few appropriately timed jeers at the ceremony. Just like I’m sure those jeers will go over much better than that time George W. made that “falling flat” joke while hosting the New England Patriots, or George H.W. made that “liking ’em kind of young” joke while hosting the San Francisco 49ers, only to find out that Mike Holmgren was actually being accompanied by his daughter and not by his wife.
Either way, though, for our still acting president of the United States, I guess it doesn’t really matter. Nothing ever does when it comes to the last week of school.