Point of No Return


A Christmas melody — Point-style

With all due apologies to ... well, every individual with an ounce of self-respect, here’s our annual foray into adding a more personal touch to some time-honored classics.

Deck the Lots

Deck the lots with as many units as you can,...

Thursday, December 21, 2006 - 7:00pm

Hey, at least I tried to figure it out

Prepare to be awed.

Once again, I’m putting my mind-blowing powers to good. Earlier this year I offered you faithful readers my brilliant idea of putting prisoners on giant treadmills to harness enough alternative energy for all of us. Oh...

Thursday, December 14, 2006 - 7:00pm

I've got a sense about these things

I took a little stroll down memory lane the other day.

No, I wasn’t feeling particularly nostalgic that day, nor was I harkening back to a simpler time in an effort to transport myself mentally to a better day. Actually, it all started...

Thursday, December 7, 2006 - 7:00pm

The world is going absolutely mad

Oh, ‘tis definitely the season.

The winter holidays may bring about warmth and a sense of doing the right thing by one’s personal beliefs, but they also bring about chaos, bills and some of the most odd stories of the year. Peace on earth...

Thursday, November 30, 2006 - 7:00pm

Oh, I’m thankful for very much

I’m a results guy.

Like many of you, my mind every week is focused largely on what I need to get done, and I often just take the things and people around me for granted as I manuever my way around to achieve whatever goal or object is...

Thursday, November 23, 2006 - 7:00pm

The Undead take center stage

Pale and drawn, The Undead sluggishly amble their way through the sacred corridors of some of our nation’s most powerful institutions. Guttural noises escape from their barely-moving lips as they struggle with their coordination, seemingly...

Thursday, November 16, 2006 - 7:00pm

We all find comfort ... somewhere

Do you ever get that eye twitch?

You know, that fluttering of one of your eyes that signals you are about to either have a nervous breakdown or embark down the path of viciousness and cruelty to the next person you happen to see? Well, I...

Thursday, November 9, 2006 - 7:00pm

November brings out worst in me

There are certain days I look forward to each year.

For instance, I anticipate St. Patrick’s Day, opening day of the baseball season and the first of each month so I can flip my Coastal Point calendar to the new month to see what...

Thursday, November 2, 2006 - 7:00pm

The beast has been bred to feed

I have an infestation problem in my house.

Before you get all creeped out, it’s not termites eating away at the wood, or rats chomping through electrical wires and drywall. Heck, it’s not even an infestation of ants making a beeline to my...

Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 8:00pm

College should teach something

So I’m watching a fight the other night, when a football game game broke out.

Corny enough joke to start?

Actually, anybody who happened to see the fight the other night between the football teams of Florida International University...

Thursday, October 19, 2006 - 8:00pm

Just ice it until the game is over

According to a study recently performed by a doctor at the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore, the number of men going to emergency rooms drops during televised sporting events, and increases after the games end.

Really?...

Thursday, October 12, 2006 - 8:00pm

A wild ride into an odd, odd word

Well, kick back and strap in ... it’s about to get bumpy as we journey forth into the odd, compelling and obtuse.

• Dredging has finally begun on the Assawoman Canal, and our publisher has never seemed more depressed. She is an avid...

Thursday, October 5, 2006 - 8:00pm

Wanderlust gets a break next week

Have you ever had that feeling that you would want to be absolutely anywhere else in the world than the place you happen to be at that particular time?

You know, like you would rather lean back in your chair and toss pencils straight up...

Thursday, September 28, 2006 - 8:00pm

Money might be tight, but ... really?

My life is full of empty promises,
And broken dreams.
I’m hoping things look up,
But there ain’t no job openings.
I feel discouraged, hungry and malnourished,
Living in this house with no furnace, unfurnished.
...

Thursday, September 21, 2006 - 8:00pm

'That Guy' looks at me from mirror

Yeah, it finally happened. I’m now “That Guy.”

Don’t act like you don’t know That Guy. We all have That Guy somewhere in our lives. You know, the guy who calls his wife at home to tell her that he had a pretty waitress serve him lunch, but...

Thursday, September 21, 2006 - 8:00pm

Time doesn't always bring change

The storm came in with a thud last weekend. Lights flickered, tree limbs came hurtling to the ground like they were flung directly from the heavens and streets flooded in moments. There was a collective apprehension as all feared the worst, a...

Thursday, September 14, 2006 - 8:00pm

One giant terrific, 'I told you so'

I knew it!

Oh, everyone had a field day with me when I said Leviathan and his merry gang of raccoons that hang out behind Coastal Point headquarters was forming a plot to take over the world through a strategy of brilliant military...

Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 8:00pm

From the absurd to well ... more

So, I’m sitting in this grassy meadow the other day, drinking a flask of Jameson with this grizzly bear and the small moose he’s been “dating” ...

Sorry, I got stuck in some kind of strange flashback there.

Actually, I’m sorrier...

Thursday, August 24, 2006 - 8:00pm

Nice guy gets a really bad break

“Dude, hit a deer with my car. Call me when you get this. I need to take a shower. Smell like deer.”

Got your attention?

Imagine the grip it put on my unmentionables when that little text message popped up on my cell phone Monday...

Thursday, August 17, 2006 - 8:00pm

Layton a star, right along with others

Joy can be found in so many things, and in just as many individual interpretations.

We can find it in the simplicity of an ice cream cone on a hot summer day, or a person might find it while listening to a song in his or her car — as...

Thursday, August 10, 2006 - 8:00pm

Anticipation takes a holiday this year

Anticipation.

Is there a more exciting, giddy feeling in the world than anticipating something? Adrenaline builds in the form of hope, uncertainty, excitement, dread, desire or regret — pumping our hearts and administering shivers up and...

Thursday, August 3, 2006 - 8:00pm

Breaking down the walls of fashion

I’m looking for a man purse.

Darin J. McCannThat’s right. I said it. I’ve been hoping that a real macho guy with a tough-guy exterior and a magnetic way about him (think Russell Crowe or Bob Bertram) would start carrying around a man...

Thursday, July 20, 2006 - 8:00pm

A casual walk through the absurd

It’s a mad, mad world we’re living in ...
Darin J. McCann
• According to reports from Reuters, an Irish hearse driver was fined recently for speeding. Now, for anybody who has driven the thinner-than-an-Olsen-twin roads in Ireland, the...

Thursday, July 13, 2006 - 8:00pm

Those weren't fireworks in Asia

Much of us find a level of comfort — if not unbridled joy — in following traditions that have been consistently adhered to, or passed down from one generation to the next.
Darin J. McCann
See, traditions can take many forms, and come...

Thursday, July 6, 2006 - 8:00pm

Rising up to to meet the challenge

Every so often, man finds that challenge he must face head-on — his white whale, his Mt. Everest, his gorgeous older neighbor who stands outside in a robe when he delivers the newspaper to her and ...

But I digress.

Throughout...

Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 8:00pm

Speech will only take you so far

Not surprisingly, I’m a huge freedom-of-speech guy.

I’m a big believer that the KKK should be able to espouse their vile hatred to the insipid people who want to hear what they have to say, that people who have a problem with the war in...

Thursday, June 22, 2006 - 8:00pm

Sorry, sis -- the big guy wins

My sister has a theory.

That sentence alone causes dread amongst those of us who know her best, as her theories typically revolve around presidential conspiracies and why the pop group Culture Club is so misunderstood. That being said, I...

Thursday, June 15, 2006 - 8:00pm

Li'l Darin should hit stores soon

If experience has taught me anything, it’s that it’s best to run in the opposite direction whenever Carolyn Fitz or Susan Argo come up to me with a look of an anticipated conversation in their eyes.

See, discussions with these two usually...

Thursday, June 8, 2006 - 8:00pm

Let's keep 'hero' thing in check

For the record, Barry Bonds is without a doubt the greatest baseball player I have seen play in my life.

Now, I’m not talking about the Bonds of the past few years with the powerful chest and the swollen head that resembles the Kool-Aid...

Thursday, June 1, 2006 - 8:00pm

Unknown soldiers too well-known

Well, happy Memorial Day to us.

In a swift kick to the crotch of veterans everywhere, it would seem some pinheaded doofus at the Department of Veterans Affairs recently decided to bring home a laptop and external hard drive that kept the...

Thursday, May 25, 2006 - 8:00pm

Generation gap a complete joke

One of these days, I’ll find her.

I will track down U.S. Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton if it kills me, charm my way past her gaggle of security personnel and find myself face-to-face with the noted woman. And I will thank her. Oh, how I’ll...

Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 8:00pm

An offering of thanks to my mother

Life begets stress.

We all find those things than can quicken the pulse throughout the basic elements of living our lives. Relationships, family, work, war in the Middle East, rising gas and electricity prices ... the very practice of...

Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 8:00pm

Tricky situation has but one cold fact

It is against the law to be in this country illegally.

Wow, one neat little sentence made my whole argument for me this week. I guess I can go home now. You all have been great. Enjoy your Easter and don’t forget to tip your bartender....

Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 8:00pm

A little thanking for some spanking

A proposed bill in the state house would allow each school district to choose whether or not it would like to instill corporal punishment in its schools. If a district decided to enact the right, parents would then have to give permission for...

Thursday, April 6, 2006 - 8:00pm

March angst brings April hope

And I thought having St. Patrick’s Day fall on a Friday was the coolest thing ever ...

In yet another shining moment exemplifying the very fact that I am indeed the luckiest man on the face of the earth, the national championship of mens’...

Thursday, March 30, 2006 - 7:00pm

March angst brings April hope

And I thought having St. Patrick’s Day fall on a Friday was the coolest thing ever ...

In yet another shining moment exemplifying the very fact that I am indeed the luckiest man on the face of the earth, the national championship of mens’...

Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 7:00pm

We are all indeed Irish today

Two full days of doing nothing but lying on my couch and watching the Cartoon Network with a steady stream of sweat cascading down my face. Two days of alternating between restless naps and dazed stumbles to the facilities. Two days.

There...

Thursday, March 16, 2006 - 7:00pm

Not responding well to nature

It’s been said that a wise man knows his limitations. While not quite ready to claim any discernible level of wisdom, I will say that I am well aware of many of my own limitations.

For instance, I am a giant wuss.

Oh, I’m not afraid...

Thursday, March 2, 2006 - 7:00pm

At last, a little comfort for Whites

My father is a man who finds satisfaction through the joys of repetition. Specifically, he seems to gather solace through repeating the same quotes over and over again — either to stress the significance of his message to the recipient, or to...

Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 7:00pm

It's always a matter of timing

You want to know what stinks? I’ll tell you what stinks: Vice President Dick Cheney shoots a lawyer, and it happens over a weekend. That’s what stinks.

See, it happened at the worst possible time for me. We publish on a Friday. Obviously...

Thursday, February 16, 2006 - 7:00pm

A different Super Bowl look

Wow. The Rolling Stones have certainly gotten old.

If there was one thing that stood out to me at this year’s Super Bowl, it was that I can no longer get satisfaction from Mick Jagger and company. Keith Richards continues to look like the...

Thursday, February 9, 2006 - 7:00pm

Pols and pols often a team

According to the latest polls, approximately 42 percent of the nation believes the president is doing a good job. Various favorability ratings go along the same vein, while other polls show the public’s confidence in his leadership skills rates a...

Thursday, February 2, 2006 - 7:00pm

Fingering out life's problems

In my perfect world, wars will be fought by having leaders face-off in one-on-one fights to the death in steel cage matches on pay-per-view television, and schools across the world would be thought of as safe havens for our students to learn...

Thursday, January 26, 2006 - 7:00pm

Keep an eye on ... everything

There are certainly plenty of things to fear in this world.

Our anxiety actually begins as children, as we’re instructed to not talk with, or accept candy from, strangers. We’re taught to walk home from school with a friend, to never...

Thursday, January 19, 2006 - 7:00pm

This is some Sirius cabbage

It’s recently become painfully obvious to me that I’m in the wrong business.

Actually, the realization truly slapped me in the face when Bob Bertram handed me an article in the Jan. 9 issue of The New York Times. The article discussed...

Thursday, January 12, 2006 - 7:00pm

New Christmas present a blast

It’s human nature, I suppose. Many of us hold this burning desire in our souls to dive into the pool of personal nostalgia and revisit moments in our past through either fond or particularly hurtful memories. We do it by retelling old stories,...

Thursday, January 5, 2006 - 7:00pm

Taking one last look at 2005

It was the best of times ... nah.

Call me Ishmael ... nah.

You’d think I’d be able to come up with one fresh idea to start this column, wouldn’t you? I mean, after all, this is a re-cap of 2005, making this one of the least original...

Thursday, December 29, 2005 - 7:00pm

Traditions are tough to forget

Traditionally, this is a season of tradition.

We collectively share some of these traditions, such as singing carols, admiring a giant Santa Claus hat on top of the totem pole in Bethany Beach or just watching those time-tested television...

Thursday, December 22, 2005 - 7:00pm

A small moment to give thanks

Life moves fast. That statement’s probably right up there with water is wet, Mark Hardt is loud and Dr. Phil always takes the woman’s side, but it’s a stone-cold fact.

Life does move fast, and we often bog ourselves down with so many of...

Thursday, November 24, 2005 - 7:00pm

The love doctor is now in

All that wasted money on candy and flowers ...

Those books available that teach a man the proper way to treat a woman? Bogus. The lessons my father taught me about being a man and respecting women? Hah! Alan Alda and all that sensitive hoo...

Thursday, November 17, 2005 - 7:00pm